If you haven’t heard the buzz or don’t have Snapchat, you might have missed a very important memo that there is an all out battle — the death match of the century — happening in these very halls. Except not really in the halls, or on any school property, per Mr. Walker’s explicit request. If you happen to be a junior or senior who missed that memo, that is all the more more unfortunate as you are a potential causality without even knowing it. This war I speak of is one between the junior and senior classes. Even claiming that it is a contest is truly generous to the juniors, but alas, they claim to be in for the long haul.

The senior class has spent over a decade building up a reputation for themselves. Coach DarDar said it best himself: “the biggest, greatest, best senior class of all time”. We have been called “try hards” and “overachievers” by our jealous schoolmates for as long as we have all been together (which is a very long time). Taking on the juniors was no different, except now they have to drop the “goody-goody” comments.

Since summertime when a group remembered their duty to school the juniors, the senior girls came out of retirement and created an in-depth plan to remind them who is now in charge. Immense planning went into mapping out and planning our attack on the poor, unexpecting juniors (thank you school directory). Mr. Walker fulfilled his Dean of Students responsibility by reminding us on the eve of our strike that “damage to someone’s personal property in any form is a criminal offense and may bare consequences” and also that “the eyes of the ranger are upon you”. Every senior was appreciative of Mr. Walker’s wisdom, but he did not have anything to worry about. Even in the midst of the juniors a lesson, we are still a classy and respectable group (ask any teacher, ever).

A proportionally small group of seniors headed out into the night with over 500 rolls of toilet paper in the trunks. It is important to note that not a single football player assisted in this process, out of respect for their coach’s requests (and threats). I do believe that this makes the entire accomplished mission all the more impressive. The plan was simple: wrap every junior’s house in toilet paper in a single night, without getting caught. The warriors did not believe that they needed to sacrifice quantity or quality in making a snow storm at over 50 houses — even the ones far out of Lafayette. Which, if you were keeping track, is almost every single person in the junior grade.

The mission was accomplished on a grander scale than ever expected, even if it did take until around six in the morning. A couple of seniors even took one for the team and wrapped their own houses to conceal the seniors’ identities. If you are a junior and you feel that your house was not wrapped to its full potential, file a formal request and the crew will make sure to take care of that for you. They would not want anyone getting gyped from truly basking in the the high caliber masterpieces made out of toilet paper and your beautiful homes.

Of course the juniors responded in tears and anger, once they got out of their beloved PSATs. Then, two days later, they took the play from our book, but executed it about halfway. A few of them drove around and appeared to have forgot some toilet paper in a few yards, but that seemed to be the extent of their damage. That is, until the headquarters received word that top agents, Grace Hill and Sydney Smith, had been compromised and captured by the juniors. Smith commented “Yes, I was captured one night, against my will, but if I recall correctly, the young juniors forgot a major detail by leaving the keys in the car, to which we responded by stealing the car. They do not think things through very well.”

I think it is clear that in many ways the senior spies have won this homecoming week battle and are projected to win the war.