Well, what do we have here? You shouldn’t have wandered off this far into the shadows, dearie.

Come into the light where I can see you better. Now, what is that you have in your hands? Ah, a book of fairytales.

Did you know these things really happened? Not the way you were told or how they were written in this book. Oh no, these stories happened much differently. Don’t believe me, dearie? You must believe everything Disney tells you then.

Hm, let’s start easy, shall we? You think that Cinderella left her slipper at the ball, the prince found her, shoe fit, happily ever after together, correct? Wrongo! Far from what happened. Cinderella didn’t listen carefully enough to her fairy godmother. By the time she was heading back home it was far past midnight, and her carriage turned back into a large pumpkin, with Cinderella trapped inside. She suffocated to death while Prince Charming married her stepsister, forgetting about the girl he danced with at the ball.

What was that, little one? Now, why would I lie to you? Monster? As flattered as I am, dearie, I’m no monster. Afraid not. A real monster is what the little French girl Belle had to deal with. Or I suppose the proper term for him was a beast.

The Beast was far from a prince charming. No, he was just as much as a monster on the inside as he was on the out. Belle was a clever girl, and her beauty was true to her name, that much was true. The young beauty longed for her freedom and attempted to poison the Beast. He smelled the poison before it was placed before him and forced Belle to drink it instead, throwing her limp body into the dungeon to rot.

What’s next on our list? Peter Pan? The story’s alright I suppose, but it’s after the boy leaves that’s my favorite part. You know how Wendy misses Peter so much,wanting nothing more than to see him again. So she jumps out the window, thinking she’ll fly off to Neverland but instead she falls.

Oh don’t look so mortified, little one. You asked for a story. My, you’re more oblivious to the truth then I suspected. Don’t fret my sweet, I’ll fill you in on the true endings of these tales.

First, there was Rapunzel locked up in a tower by Mother Gothel. The girl lost all hope of escaping the tower and of a day she wouldn’t have to answer to that call of ‘Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!’ How she met her end? Tragic, really. Mother Gothel called up and received no response so she used the back entrance and found her prisoner hanging by her hair from the rafters.

Oh and I’m sure you’ve heard of little Alice? The girl who fell down the rabbit hole and into the insane world of Wonderland. She made the horrible mistake of falling in love during her visit. Gave her heart away to the Queen’s hat maker who was more than just a bit mad if you ask me. The blonde’s punishment? Hm, how did the Queen of Hearts say it? She always had such a wonderful way with words. Oh why of course! Off with her head!

My dear child, why do you keep giving me these looks? These aren’t even the worst of the fates.

Snow White was banished by her stepmother because she was jealous of the young girl’s beauty, that part’s true. It’s also true she found safety with the seven dwarf brothers who worked the mines. However, the queen was clever and didn’t fool around with poison apples. She saw through her mirror how much Snow trusted the dwarfs. The queen placed a spell on the seven brothers and had them do her dirty work for her.

Oh, and then there’s my personal favorite, dearie. Briar Rose was cursed to prick her finger on a spinning wheel and fell into a deep sleep. No one could reach the room the princess was locked in. Finally, a prince made it through the brambles and into her room. However, a sleeping princess was not waiting for him. All that remained was Briar Rose’s skeleton.

I could go on, precious, but I’ll stop there for now. You see Happily Ever Afters aren’t real, not even in the world of fairytales.